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Bullying: What Parents Can Do

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Bullying has changed. It is not the same type of bullying when we, adults, were in school. Remember when we were in school? You may have seen or been exposed to bullying or seen someone bullied. It was horrible, I am sure. Children can say and do horrible things that will stay with a bullying victim for a lifetime. Today it has changed. Today, children are not only bullied at school, face to face, but also through social media. If you see a dramatic change in behavior such as refusing to go to school, low grades, a lack of self-confidence or self worth, then your child my be a victim of bullying. Social Media has become a tool for bullies to use. If you discover that your child is threatened with physical aggression, threatened or called names repeatedly, then your child is being bullied. If a group of children are pressuring your child to make unwanted choices, then your child is being bullied.Bully’s make threats on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or simply through text messaging. What’s worse is that your child will be extremely reluctant to tell you what is happening. A child’s social life means everything to them. They want to be accepted by their peers and deeply care about what their friends and enemies think of them.

There is something you can do. Spend time with your children on a weekly basis. Take them out to dinner or for coffee and talk about their day and share your day with them too. Find something your child loves to do and do it with them. Contact your child’s school and share your concerns over possible bullying. Most schools have extensive procedures to investigate and stop bullying. Finally, monitor your child’s social media through their electronic devices. If bullying is happening, contact your phone company and have the alleged bully blocked from your child’s accounts. Remember, your child will not share this info with you. They will want to solve this themselves. Help them work through this.

by Jason Davis, LPC
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Tags: adolescent, Bullying, school kids
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Alcohol Addiction Help during the Holidays: Attending an Addiction Support Group, Seeing an Addiction Therapist

Friday, December 21st, 2012

The holidays are a special time of year when people take time to focus on others, give thanks for what they have, and give to those in need. While it is easy to get caught up in the holiday festivities those in recovery from addiction understand the importance of self-care. Developing a holiday recovery plan will help individuals avoid relapse by ensuring recovery activities are scheduled into each day.
A holiday recovery plan is all about dealing with additional stress, balancing the extra activities involved with the holidays, and managing ‘high risk’ situations. The first step in any good holiday recovery plan would be to check the calendar for upcoming events. Make sure high-risk situations like family gatherings or office parties are limited both in number and time spent participating. Likewise schedule more recovery activities such as AA or NA group meetings, exercising, meditating, or professional counseling sessions.
Even the best-laid plans are not perfect so urges to use are normal. Family, memories, parties, finances, crowds, and even the additional commercials advertising alcohol may trigger urges to use. When managing urges, it is important for individuals to remember how easily inappropriate reactions to high-risk situations can turn into a relapse. Completing a daily inventory at the end of each day can help you stay on track. Reflecting each evening on thoughts, feelings, urges, reactions, and actions can help you gain awareness, knowledge, and skills needed for a continued successful recovery. Even evaluating the triggers that lead to past holiday relapses can provide valuable information about navigating this year’s holiday calendar.
Those with addiction can successfully navigate the holidays by starting with a holiday recovery plan. By carefully planning recovery activities, reducing high-risk situations, and being mindful of ‘what works’ you can have a relapse-fee holiday!

Tags: addiction, addiction recovery, balance, balance for life, maintaining addiction recovery, recovering addict, what to do for stress
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Types of Addiction: the Holidays and Addiction Support Groups and Overcoming Addiction

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

There is no season of the year quite like the Holiday and Christmas seasons. It’s the time of the year for social activities, excitement, decorating, spending time with family and friends, and entertainment. It’s also a time of additional pressure and worry. The holidays can bring on extra expenses, additional activities, less sleep, poor diets, unpleasant past memories, and an overall increase of stress and anxiety.

Sadly, many who suffer with different types of addiction will have a relapse this holiday season. It is important for those suffering from addiction, and the family of an addict, to to be conscious of the additional pressure so that they can develop plans to reduce the risk of relapse. The individual suffering with addiction can psychologically prepare themselves for the imminent events.

Positive things your folks and you can do includes using appropriate coping strategies like relaxation, meditation, exercise, healthful diet, and positive self-talk. You can use affirming and transparent communication with family and friends to stay on track. The holidays are a superb time to attend extra support group meetings as well. These addiction support groups aren’t only for the addict, but also for family and friends.

Finally, when attending a holiday party where alcohol may be served, it is vital to take a sober buddy or family member for additional support Also, take non-alcoholic drinks, and plan to leave early. Refuse to attend parties where drugs might be available. The holiday season is a great time to update names and numbers of sober family and friends who will be supportive of you in your addiction recovery efforts.

The holidays can be a challenge for sure, with high risk situations for those suffering with substance addiction. It could also be a period of replenished commitments and affirmations, and an opportunity to think on how much has been accomplished through the method of recovery. If you are fighting with substance abuse or addiction issues, be certain to find help. Remember that you are never alone in the journey in overcoming addiction.

Tia Parsley, LPC, LCDC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor in Texas and Arkansas. She can be found at achievebalance.org and at her websites www.tiaparsley.com

Tags: addiction, addiction recovery, recovering addict
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How Classroom Routines for Children Provide Security in their Daily Education

Sunday, October 7th, 2012

This is the first of a four-part series that examines the importance of rituals in our lives. This article will examine the daily rituals that we all take for granted, as we often fail to recognize their role in keeping us grounded. It is important to know “routine” definition. A routine is a sequence of actions regularly followed, or a fixed program. These daily rituals are particularly significant as children start school, when parents adjust schedules to accommodate the changes from a more flexible summer routine to the more demanding requirements of a daily education program.

Our schools are very rich in the usage of rituals. The day begins with morning announcements, the children have certain times and routines for classes, recess, lunch, etc. Have you ever observed routines for children throughout their day at school, including the classroom routines? They know exactly what to anticipate the moment they walk in the door. There is a place for their backpacks, jackets, supplies. They know when they are supposed to take out materials from their desks, open books, etc. In order for rituals to be effective, they have to be meaningful, so the rituals in the schools and classrooms provide a security for the children as they become comfortable knowing what to expect. Have you ever listened to a child explain that they had a substitute teacher? You can tell from the child’s voice that the routine was different. Have you ever heard a child explain that they had music that day rather than PE? It is significant for them, because it is a change in what they expected.

As schools create daily rituals for children, it is also crucial for parents to use rituals in the home to provide that same sense of “grounding.’ Getting up at the same time, going to bed at the same time, reading books together, doing homework at specified times, etc. Children want and need that security that rituals provide them.
Surprise yourself and make a list of all the daily rituals that you have provided for your family.

Next month we will examine those rituals that families create for special occasions such as birthdays.

Tags: balance for life, how to balance life, how to parent, how to parenting, life balance, parenting, Parenting Teenagers, parents, parents and children, stress management, what to do for stress, work balance
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Mothers Who Work

Friday, September 14th, 2012

From PTO boardrooms to corporate boardrooms everywhere, the debate rages on. What is better for kids, a mom who works full time outside the home or a stay at home mom who works as a full time parent and homemaker? Just as important, what is better for the mom? First we must be clear that both types of moms are working moms and there is no such thing as a mom who doesn’t work.

If we look back in history we find mothers who work in fields while older and younger women in the village worked to nurse and care for the children. During the industrial revolution we saw both moms and children working to earn money for the family. Children with working mothers in this instance were likely to accompany their mom to work.

Today in third-world cultures women work from dusk till dawn securing sustenance for the family. There is no such thing as a mom who doesn’t work, and moms that get enough sleep may be hard to come by too!

Today, it appears deciding to work outside the home versus inside may affect a mother’s health. A recent Akron University study found that mothers who worked full time steadily before and after the birth of their first child had better mental and physical health. The study by Dr. Frech and her co-author, Sarah Demaske considered nearly 30 years of data provided by 2,540 mothers as participants in the National Longitudinal Study of Youth.

Far from being a ‘call to work’ for stay at home mothers or a condemnation of personal choices made by women based on advantages and disadvantages, the study hopes to illuminate that choosing to work full time outside the home as a mom is not a bad thing. Those mothers dealing with the guilt of leaving children with caregivers to work outside the home can perhaps feel a little better knowing first, mothers have been doing the same thing for millennia, and second, they may be doing something positive for their own health and wellbeing. The best careers for moms are the ones that they choose be it staying home going to work or a balance of both.

Dr. Kate Walker Ph.D., LPC, LMFT has experience assisting adolescents and their families with issues such as addiction, anger management, depression, anxiety, communication, parenting, and stress management.

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Getting Ready for School

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

About this time of year the talk amongst parents of school age children turns to bedtime rituals, earth-friendly lunch containers, and shopping for school supplies. Not to be outdone, we at achievebalance.org decided to dedicate an article to the top 10 ways parents can smooth the transition from summer to fall. Supporting your child from a youth mental health standpoint is all about making sure your child is equipped with knowing the ropes Here is the top ten countdown for mentally getting ready for school this fall:

10. If you are transitioning your child to a new school, take time to visit the campus and ask for a tour.

9. Find out what kind of food is served in the cafeteria and allowed for snacks. Many schools have a policy against nuts and foods of minimal value (FMV).

8. Call the bus facility if your child is a bus rider to see what the commute time is in the morning and afternoon. Help your child prepare if the commute is long and the weather is extreme.

7. Create your list of emergency contacts. Schools always ask for them and its good for your child to know who may pick them up if you can’t. Teach your child never to go with anyone who is not on this list.

6. Donate to the local backpack/school supply drive while you are picking up your own supplies.

5. Talk to other parents about age-appropriate bedtimes. Everyone doesn’t have to be the same but it will be much easier to get your kids to go to bed on time if everyone in their group of friends has close to the same bedtime.

4. Check the school handbook before you go clothes shopping. Most schools without uniforms have rules about school clothes.

3. Get your child’s input on school lunch ideas.

2. If your child is having anxiety about the start of school or has trouble separating from you, check your own attitude and make sure you don’t seem fearful too.

1. Celebrate the end of summer and the start of school by doing something fun! Make it a new tradition you and your child can look forward to.

Parent, child, school…success!

Dr. Kate Walker Ph.D. is owner and CEO of achievebalance.org found in The Woodlands TX.

Tags: about parenting, how to parent, how to parenting, parent hood, parenting, Parenting Teenagers, parents, parents and children, teenagers, what to do for stress
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Am I an Addict? A Simple Addiction Test to Begin Your Journey as a Recovering Addict

Saturday, July 7th, 2012

“Am I an addict?”

Have you ever asked yourself this simple question? It may be surprising to know that many struggle with identifying addiction in their own life. Addiction has many definitions, but one way to think of it is to challenge yourself, “Does this substance/behavior have more control over me than I have over it?” It’s a simple question, and provides you with an addiction test that has identifiable methods for gauging an answer.

Here are some addiction test questions which are easy to relate to and may assist you in determining if a substance/ behavior might be an addiction:

•   Do you ever use alone?
•   Have you taken one drug to overcome the effects of another drug?
•   Do you avoid people or places that you used to enjoy because they disapprove of your using?
•   Have you been unsuccessful at cutting back or stopping the behavior or drug use?
•   Do you often use more than you planned?
•   Have you gotten into trouble as a result of using?
•   Have you lied about using a drug or how much you have used?
•   Have you lost any relationships due to your substance use or behavior?
•   Have you used drugs to make you feel better about a situation?
•   Do you continue to use a drug despite negative consequences?
•   Do you have family/friends who have said you need to cut back or stop using?
•   Do you have to use more of the drug to get the same effect as before?
•   Have you forgotten things you did or said while using?
•   Has your job or school performance deteriorated since you have started the drug?

Answering positively to any of these is a cause for concern. Three or more positive responses indicate you have a substance use problem and you may be an addict.

Declaring a drug is a problem takes courage. But admitting the problem is the pivotal event that allows a hopeless addict to become a hopeful, recovering addict. It is the beginning of getting better and regaining control over your life.

Tia Parsley, MEd, LPC, LCDC has experience assisting adolescents and their families with issues such as addiction, anger management, depression, anxiety, communication, parenting, and stress management. Lear more about TIa Parsley the these websites: www.achievebalance.org and www.tiaparsley.com.

Tags: addiction, addiction recovery, addiction test, am I an addict, recovering addict
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Parents, Adolescents, and Drug Abuse: Using a Substance Abuse Professional

Thursday, June 28th, 2012

No parent wants to believe their child could be using drugs. Yet, statistics prove that many teenagers are engaged in using mood altering substances and many die each year due to substance use. Such troubling information may prompt some parents to consider the possible drug-related issues in their own child’s life. Though the realization of a child’s struggle with addiction may be devastating, there are several ways parents can be proactive in order to recognize signs of substance use and help their adolescents.

First, the signs and symptoms of substance use, or substance abuse evaluation, may assist parents in determining if their child has a drug problem. Children who are using mood-altering substances may have a change in school performance including failing grades, absences from extra-curricular activities, or increased disrespect toward school faculty and other authority figures.

Second, there may be a drastic change in dress, language, beliefs, music preference, behaviors and friends. Teenagers using drugs may exhibit increased withdrawal from the family unit and increased conflict with parents, especially when parents attempt to set limits. Often times, adolescents using mood-altering substances have sudden changes in moods, lose motivation, and present an uncaring attitude.

Finally, parents should pay attention to smells on clothing or in the bedroom, and look for excess use of eye drops, room deodorizers, and cologne or perfume. Consider contacting a substance abuse professional for other symptoms and signs.

Open lines of communication between parents and adolescents can assist adolescents as they develop a sense of self-identity and learn appropriate socialization. Parents need to be involved and open to the struggles their adolescent may be facing and encourage professional help when needed. These early steps may decrease an adolescent’s chance of continued substance use in adulthood, and defer the consequences of drug abuse as well. Parents must remain educated and aware in order to assist their child overcome avoid and overcome substance abuse and dependence.

Tags: drug abuse, substance abuse, teen alcohol use, teen drug use
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How Parents Can Help Relieve Test Taking Anxiety

Monday, May 7th, 2012

It is safe to say that high stakes testing in public education has become a prevalent issue for students and parents alike. While facing a standardized test is stress-producing for most children, there are some youngsters for whom it is an overwhelming monster that evokes feelings of depression, anxiety, and outright fear. If your child suffers from test taking anxiety, there are things you can do to help her cope.

First, make a list of things that trigger test taking anxiety for your child. Some good questions to ask include, “What is it about taking the test that makes you feel scared?” “What do you think will happen when you get actually sit down to take the test?” “What do you think will help you do your best on the test?” Talk with your child about each answer. You may be able to help her change some false beliefs about testing, which will be a great agent to relieve anxiety in and of itself.

Second, without minimizing the importance of the test, help her understand that testing is a part of life. While important, tests are not what will define her as a person. Assure her of her strengths and talents and that you know she will be able to do her very best. This may help to relieve general school anxiety, to give her confidence that her competence in the school setting is broader than any individual test.

Finally, the night before the test, relieve anxiety that your child may be feeling by ensuring a calm evening and a reasonable bedtime. Prepare a healthy breakfast the morning of the test and check to see if your child’s school allows a snack. Encourage your child with positive statements that instill confidence. Be prepared with a special activity after the test that will allow your child to unwind, such as a special movie time together.

If you have tried helping your child and she continues to experience test anxiety, contact a licensed professional counselor who can provide further assistance, or talk with your child’s school guidance counselor.

Tags: parenting, test anxiety
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Parenting

Friday, October 21st, 2011

I read a blog post (Change your Thinking Change Your Parenting by John Rosemond) last week that was posted by one of my Facebook friends. This was a friend I knew from high school because he was my younger brother’s best friend. Seeing a post from him about parenting was a little weird because I can only imagine the grief he caused his own parents…but that’s another story.
The fact is the blog was really good. The author John Rosemond argued that parenting now is different from parenting in the pre-1950s due to the fact parents now want a ‘great relationship’ with their kids and parents back then chose to be leaders and settled for just ‘satisfactory relationships.’ The trade off, the author posits, was necessary back in the day because great relationships “shoot leadership in the foot” and kids need leadership more than a great relationship with their parents.
Nothing I’ve studied ever said a great relationship is necessary for correction or leadership. Correction is only received and acted upon in the context of a good relationship. Leadership is only received and responded to in the context of a good relationship. In fact, a completely equal system (a great relationship) doesn’t allow for leadership at all because once a hierarchy emerges the relationship by definition will no longer be great. But it might still be good.
So maybe having a good relationship with your child and excellent leadership skills is what parenting is all about. The author seems to think so. I’m not sure I agree with the author’s implication that discipline problems and diagnoses such as ADHD would go away if parents changed their thinking and became better leaders, but I believe he gives us parents something to think about.

Tags: about parenting, how to parent, how to parenting, i parent, parent hood, parenting, parents, parents and children, teenagers
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