family therapy techniques | Achieve Balance Dr. Kate Walker

Posts Tagged ‘family therapy techniques’

Two Parenting Mistakes and Time Management

Thursday, February 28th, 2013

Nobody’s perfect. In an age of two working parents, single parent homes, co-parenting, blended families, and just plain normal moms and dads doing the best they can, mistakes will be made.
Mistake number one: Too tired to parent.

This is probably our oldest parenting mistake. Back in ‘the day,’ parenting after a long day hunting and gathering probably looked more like an episode of ‘Survivor’ rather than ‘The Waltons.’ Older siblings were put in charge of younger siblings, children who could prepare food were put to work, while Mom and Dad protected the clan from predatory animals and neighbors. In true Darwinian fashion, children who did not conform to family norms probably did not survive.

Today, well-meaning, tired, parents know they should not ignore misbehavior, yet sometimes it’s just easier to allow the TV and the PlayStation to do their job. Tantrums are met with concessions. Children learn to act rather than ask permission because they know consequences from tired parents can be negotiated away through whining, manipulation, persistence, and even good behavior.

This leads us to mistake number two: I can’t keep up the consequence because now he’s being so good (washing my car, vacuuming, setting the table)! Time off for good behavior only works in prison. In the home, children are in charge of their behavior choices, and parents are in charge of the consequences. If children are permitted to choose the behavior AND manipulate the consequences by acting ‘good’, this can lead to power struggles, confusion, and more manipulation. Kids soon learn tired parents crave love and happiness (and a clean car) and they’ll do anything, including shorten a punishment, if their child rewards them with good behavior and attitudes.

Parenting is not for the faint-hearted and perfection is a myth. Always keep an eye out for good parenting tips and do your best!

Tags: about parenting, balance for life, blended family, blended family counseling, blended family issues, family therapy, family therapy services, family therapy techniques, how to parent, how to parenting, Marriage and Family Therapy Programs, parent hood, parenting, Parenting Teenagers, parents, parents and children, teenagers
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Drug Use Among Teenagers

Thursday, February 14th, 2013

The pronouns ‘he’ and ‘she’ are alternated for brevity.

When parents are struggling with their teen using drugs or alcohol, they may choose therapy as an option. After the initial relief, however, comes the surprise at the amount of work placed squarely on their shoulders.

When a therapist specially trained to work with teens who are using initially meets with parents, he has one goal in mind: learn the family rules. This may take several sessions, but it is vital for the therapist to learn what is permitted in the home (respect, compensation for chores, doors locked/unlocked) and what is not permitted (eye-rolling, substance use, failing grades). If the therapist is confused by the rules, it is likely the teen is also.

Next the therapist will ask the parents to identify and prioritize two or three behaviors they wish to change. Of course using drugs or alcohol is the primary symptom, but typically grades, curfew, and respectful behaviors are identified as well. The list is kept short to maximize effort and success.

Finally, the therapist will need to know how the parents plan to ‘parent’ the identified behaviors (design and enforce consequences). This is important because not only must parents have a plan for the other six days their child is not in therapy, their influence must increase while the therapist’s decreases. Failure to do this could lead to the therapist becoming the ‘influential figure’ in the family (“didn’t the therapist tell you drinking was wrong?”) and this will lead to therapy becoming the consequence rather than the place for help and healing.

Leaving a session with a therapist trained to help teens who are using may leave parents confused. The hard work will pay off, though, and parents will have tools to help them help their child be successful, and drug and alcohol free.

Tags: about parenting, addiction, addiction recovery, family therapy, family therapy services, family therapy techniques, how to parent, how to parenting, Parenting Teenagers, recovering addict
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Finding the Right Therapist for Your Family

Thursday, June 7th, 2012

Joanne finally picked up the home phone, realizing this was the most difficult call she had ever made. She was about to ask for help in the one area of her life that she’d thought she had held together: her family.

At the last appointment, Jake’s psychiatrist mentioned marriage and family therapy programs but she had felt too angry (or was it embarrassed?) to call for further information. After all, this was Jake’s problem, wasn’t it? How could therapy for the whole family do any good when Jake was the one causing arguments, getting in trouble at school, and sneaking out at night doing who knows what with who knows whom? Family therapy techniques sounded so… intrusive. The therapist would probably pick apart her parenting and tell her she had done everything wrong.

So why was she finally changing her mind? Strangely enough it was because of Jake’s little sister Jenny. Yesterday afternoon, Jenny had asked, “Why are you and daddy so mad at Jake all the time?” In that moment, Joanne realized Jenny had not been immune to the turmoil surrounding their efforts to help Jake. Somehow she knew that her family could not get better if they stuck to the problem-focused idea that their only hope rested in “fixing” one person. Whether she liked it or not, this was a family problem.

Family therapy is a core mental health profession. It is brief, solution-focused, and it focuses on specific, attainable, therapeutic goals. Joanne’s decision to seek help for her family was very serious and choosing the right family therapist was important. She started with her insurance company and researched possible providers who could help. After consulting with a trusted family physician, she made the appointment.

When you decide to seek help for your family it is important to familiarize yourself with the different mental health professions. Remember, it’s okay to keep looking if your family is not making progress. Choose the professional and the family therapy center you feel the best fit so that you can receive the right help.

Tags: family therapy, family therapy services, family therapy techniques
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Blended Family Counseling: Using the Developmental Model for Addressing Blended Family Issues

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

In order to assist blended families, counselors can use the Developmental Model by Patricia Papernow (1993) as a means to understand the specific issues that a blended family encounters. This model allows for movement back and forth through the stages of blended family counseling, since crises may precipitate movement to the earlier stages.

Papernow’s (1993) model for addressing blended family issues consists of three main stages, with substages existing within each of the major stages. The first is the Early Stage, with Fantasy, Immersion, and Awareness as the substages of this level. The second is the Middle Stage with Mobilization and Action as the substages. The third stage is called the Later Stage with Contact and Resolution as the substages.

The pace of families moving through these stages depends upon the support for the family. Faster families can move through the model in four years, but this would be the minority of families. The average blended family will take seven years to move through the stages, and they usually spend two to three years in the earlier stages. For slower families, they may spend up to four years in the earlier stages, and it may take them up to 12 years to complete the cycle. Without blended family counseling, some families may stay stuck in the earlier stages, and this can end in divorce.

The model examines the losses that all members encounter in the Early Stages and the wishes (especially of children) to return to their prior family structure. The biological relationships are stronger at this point, and stepparents are considered as outsiders. During Mobilization, all parts of the family system begin to find their voice. This leads to Action when the family decides to form a step family structure. In the final stages, the members of the blended family form meaningful relationships with one another.

Counselors can access this model to plot where the blended family may be stuck, where the loss issues are, and also what needs to happen to help this blended family function as a system.

Resource

Papernow, P. (1993). Becoming a stepfamily: Patterns of development in remarried families. Gestalt Institute of Cleveland Press.

Tags: blended family, blended family counseling, blended family issues, family therapy, family therapy services, family therapy techniques, Marriage and Family Therapy Programs
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Family Traditions and Rituals

Wednesday, March 14th, 2012

When providing family therapy services, it is important to understand how a family system functions. An important assessment of this is the presence or absence of rituals. Rituals in families have many purposes. They can tell us how people relate to one another, what rituals are used to help the family heal, how people identify themselves and accept change, what families believe and how families celebrate.

It is also important to understand the parts of a ritual. People can use symbols that are meaningful to them, and with these symbols, there is a symbolic action to carry out the ritual. A symbol can have structured parts and/or open parts. Rituals can be carried out in a special time and/or a special place.

There are also types of rituals such as those we do on a daily basis. These rituals can be simple and spontaneous or very intentional and unique. There are lots of possibilities to change these kinds of rituals. Some examples of daily rituals include saying grace at dinner or where people sit at the dinner table. Another example of a daily ritual is how people say goodbye to each other or how they greet each other. A third example is what happens during bedtime with children.

The second type of ritual is family traditions. These are the family days that are written on calendars. Others outside of the family may not recognize the time and space of these family traditions, and the people within the family usually go to work or school on these days. Families can have flexibility with these family traditions. Examples of these rituals include birthdays and anniversaries. It is important to ask people if there are cakes, special dinners or parties with people outside the immediate family.

The third category is family holiday celebrations which can be complicated, because the media and culture and dictate how people “should” celebrate. There is often much pressure on families during these rituals. These are the rituals that are already stamped on a calendar such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.

The last category of rituals is the life-cycle rituals. These are the rituals that help people pass through life. They help to mark the beginning and ending of relationships. Examples of these are births, deaths and funerals, and weddings.

Counselors and therapists of family therapy services help families whose rituals are minimized, interrupted or unflexible. Therefore, the best family therapy techniques will consider what the family’s ideal rituals and traditions may be, and how the members can be returned to celebrate them once again.

Dr. Judy DeTrude is licensed in Texas as a Professional Counselor (LPC) and a Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is an Authorized Supervisor for each of the licenses.

Resource

Black, Evan Imber and Roberts, Janine (1998). Rituals for our times: Healing and changing our lives and relationships. Jason Aronson, Inc.

Tags: family therapy, family therapy services, family therapy techniques, Marriage and Family Therapy Programs
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